THE NFL DRAFT.

Come one, come all! To the Greatest Show on Earth…

When we as fans come together to watch elite college football athletes walk that hundred yard stretch from the star-filled green room to the draft stage to shake hands with that malicious money grubbing, power hungry troll, Commissioner Roger Goodell. This transaction of hands will then transition this innocent young man into the professional rankings–a moment he has been dreamt about for most his life. Boy, is reality about to strike this man harder than a speeding 250-pound linebacker coming from his blindside. But whatever you do, young man, don’t deflate a football. It’s immoral.

There are so many questions that have popped up out of the NFL since the season ended in February. Did Tom Brady deflate Roger Goodell’s ego? Is Johnny Manziel forever Johnny “Fumbled”? Why in the world do the Chicago Bears still have faith in Jay Cutler as their main guy?

Nonetheless, the NFL Draft weekend has finally arrived. If you are one those diehard pro football fans, this is like a second Christmas in your eyes.

Now, it is for certain that quarterbacks Jared Goff and Carson Wentz will go 1,2 in the draft. Will those two draft picks make a dramatic difference for those two teams in the season ahead? Absolutely not. Will fans get anxious and picket to see them play? Most likely. But that’s the problem.

For both those teams respectively, there are so many issues that go beyond the quarterback position. Tossing in 22-year-old quarterback into an NFL huddle and asking him to bring the team to the Super Bowl is like asking a wealthy Republican to house a homeless person on his own dollar. It’s not happening. It takes years to mold a Super Bowl quarterback.

Honestly, these two guys shouldn’t even play a snap for another year. The Los Angeles Rams and the Philadelphia Eagles each respectively don’t have a good enough team to hit the .500 mark. But that’s not what fans collectively want. They want to see that new Porsche out on the road. Rather than let it sit in the garage and build up value, they want to take it out for a joy ride every Sunday.

Those two picks will mean little to nothing for the 2016 season. But beyond that, here are FIVE moves/draft picks that could go down tonight and eventually reap havoc on the NFL Agenda for the upcoming season…but most likely won’t.

ONE. The Dallas Cowboys will draft Ezekiel Elliott and make a run to the Super Bowl–where they lose against a much better New England Patriots team.

This isn’t as farfetched as it may seem. With a solid offensive line, perhaps the best in the NFL, having a gifted running back such as Elliot in the backfield would be a blessing. It would result in keeping the ball out of Tony Romo’s hands–thus, further resulting in fewer turnovers.

But what about their defense? It’s no secret that the Cowboys’ defense wasn’t their bread and butter in 2015. There are two issues to consider before my prediction goes to the piranhas. For one, the Cowboys offense produced twenty-two more turnovers than their opponents–WORST in the NFL. Fewer offensive turnovers will result in less time on the field for the defense.  Two,  Greg Hardy. Greg Hardy was the biggest waste of a roster spot, let alone waste of breath, the NFL had seen in quite some time. An immature, disrespectful child such as him should [have] never play[ed] another down until he rights his wrongs with the woman he abused and all of the female community.

 

TWO. The Oakland Raiders declare they will take the gamble and move to Las Vegas–where they will not only continue to lose on the field, but also at the slots.

The announcement will come just moments before their risky first-round draft pick, linebacker from Notre Dame, Jaylon Smith. Yes, this Irish football player has high potential and the video reel to back it, but is expected to miss the entire 2016.

If I was a gambling man, I’d put money on a Super Bowl being hosted by these Las Vegas Raiders in February of 2020.

 

THREE. The New York Jets will get sick and tired of waiting for Ryan Fitzgerald to sign with the team and go after Memphis quarterback Paxton Lynch.

From what “NFL experts” have been saying, Lynch is an absolute hit. If the Jets select this guy, sign quarterback Brian Hoyer, the Jets might have direction towards the 2017 season. I might go as far to say that they will take over the reigns of the AFC East at that point.

 

FOUR. The New England Patriots wave a stiff middle finger to Mr. Roger Goodell and make a trade that launches them back into the first round–high enough to draft a much needed running back out of the University of Alabama, Derrick Henry.

Derrick Henry would be a perfect pairing to a possibly deteriorating Tom Brady. This might come off as a blasphemous remark since the guy seems to be acting like a fine wine and getting better with age, but let’s face the fact that the guy is now 38 years old. How much longer can this guy hold up? Henry would easily come in and shoulder so much of the weight Brady has been carrying from the offensive end of the field.

 

FIVE. The San Francisco 49ers ship quarterback Colin Kaepernick to the Denver Broncos for their first round pick and a couple of Tim Tebow jerseys.

Kaepernick is a fraud. The guy hasn’t given more than 10% effort and his teammates know it. To have no mutual respect from your own teammates is toxic and will not amount to any success no matter what offensive scheme you embed into the game plan. If the Niners were smart, they’d look to the defensive side of the ball at this draft spot and snag Oregon quarterback Vernon Adams in the sixth round. Despite a disappointing combine appearance, Adams is a perfect fit. The guy is coming out of an Oregon Ducks’ offensive scheme that was established by none other than…current 49ers head coach CHIP KELLY!

Ever since the offseason debacle from a year ago, the Niners need to desperately and swiftly bounce back into the mix of top-tier teams. Because they didn’t sign any big name free agents this offseason, this draft is crucial. BUT–I wouldn’t be surprised if they go out and sign QB Ryan Fitzgerald after they trade Colin Kaepernick. He’s not terrible on his feet and he’ll be a nice fill-in until Adams matures.

 

HONORABLE MENTION: The Kansas City Chiefs will make a bold move [on Friday] and ship running back Jamaal Charles to the Baltimore Ravens, where Charles will follow in the footsteps of another Chiefs’ great, Priest Holmes. In return, the Chiefs will receive a 2016 third-round and a 2017 second-round pick.

 

[DIS]HONORABLE MENTION: Johnny Manziel rescinds his decision to enter the NFL and returns to Texas A&M to where he will attempt to redeem any respect anyone has for him in his journey for find his “peak” again. At this point, no NFL teams are willing to take a risk on this jester. Even his father is at the end of his rope. The guy just refuses to take a night off. Everywhere he goes, Johnny seems to find trouble and the camera is right there beside him. It’s as if he calls the cameraman up and request he do a jager bomb with his good pal, Johnny.

Hey, Johnny. Put down the bottle and pick up a football!

  • Josh
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